First the anger, then chose love

So I went to the doctor yesterday for a scan, comparing apples to apples. As I sat on that chair I had flash backs of four years ago when I first contained the tumor. What was on my mindset? How did I feel like a champ despite the situation? How did I stay focused on happy when I was also scared? Could I duplicate those feelings if I received bad news?

It’s been very interesting to say the least.  Four years later, after I contained the tumor and it didn’t grow, I was faced with the same challenge and a bigger fear.

As the first doctor came in I had sort of a half smile, half fear face. He proceeded to tell me that based on what he saw, the tumor had grown a little less than 1 mm – which is sort of good news – considering how aggressive these usually grow. However he was really concerned to see a black shadow of some sort – a sort of mass next to the tumor twice the size.   The uncertainty, the uncertainty!  It could be an extension of the tumor.  It could be something else completely unrelated. Voy could be a second tumor, however its twice as big.  The mouth is connected to so many nerves and blood vessels.  AND the brain, which is the concern of my homeopath.   It could be who knows what.  We won’t know til we do a procedure and take a biopsy Feb 17.

Here are some simple steps to thrive even in the midst of chaos and bad news, knowing every time an interruption comes into our  life, it’s for a reason to help us grow.

1.  Accept where you truly are and face your fears.  If you don’t, it will sneak up on you!  Embrace that part of you that’s scared.  Accept that it just sucks. Feel whatever emotions are popping up.  Feel the fear, anger, resentment, etc.  I learned this from my mentor Donny Epstein who has changed Tony Robbins’ life (get Donny’s books on healing they’re amazing).  If you try to immediately transform this feeling without facing it, you’re skiping the most important part and missing the benefits it will bring to your body and your emotions!

2.  After you accept it and embraced where you are, then chose love.  Be grateful for all the things in your life and remember everything that happens, every chaos/ every soul that comes to your life comes to help you or help shape you.   Loving and accepting yourself can be thie toughest thing.   Read the book by Louise Hay You Can Heal Yourself and his important self love is in healing and in thriving.

3.  After this,  journal your experience, your fears, your frustrations and also things you’re grateful for.  When  you’re grateful fear disappears.

I created this blog because it fills me up to share my journey and possibly impact others, and my hope is to sparkle more tools, joy and love into your life.

The doctor told me to do things that fuel my life with joy.  Today I’m leaving to Hong Kong to see my husband Dave Ulloa speak and to enjoy a few days vacation.  I packed a cooler with all my supplements and checked it in.  No excuses for being healthy even on the road!  Even if it’s 16 hr flight away lol!

As soon as I return I’m seeing two of the best homeopaths plus the biopsy plus a second and third opinion!  And then, if I have to dive into an intense treatment and/or surgery, I’m ready.

Right now I’m in a deep dance between anger, fear and love.  S Factor continues to be my shelter to dance, express my emotions and feel the intensity of the passion in my body as I dance around all these emotions.  Network chiropractic is helping my body align in the most beautiful way to be ready for the next steps.  Hot8 Yoga keeps me radiant, joyful and soulful and prayer and meditYionevery day keeps me connected to my creator. Riding horses, beach walks, mountain hikes are all contributing to my energy richness.  My husband’s unconditional love and unstoppable laughs and jokes keep me energized and grateful.  My parents’ uncomditional love keep me strong and joyful.  My friends and my group of girls who keep me going every day with support love and joy on our amazing ‘what’s app’ chat groups.

For now I will keep doing what I love such as traveling and loving life until I am told otherwise.  I’m bringing an empty suitcase to Hng Kong as I hear the shipping is amazing.  I will sleep in every day, go to the spa and nurture my body, heart and soul with great books, great friends and ‘me’ time.   A new journey has started in my life.  A new chapter of a book.  Excited, scared, strong, weak, I’m feeling it all.  Happy I have the ability to feel.  And the there’s life and it’s rollercoasters. Instead of saying ‘why me’ I’m saying ‘TRY ME”!

i chose anger, then I chose love.